Anonymous Reviewer TV Series: Black Sails

If your weekend was like mine, you'd rather be doing anything than be at work, but here is an #anonymousreviewer to make it better.
TV Series: Black Sails


Don't worry, this one has already been weeded from the library's collection....did I just give away my anatomy?...but it warrants a totally canning. Normally, you throw some pirates in with some alluring nudity, and maybe just a dash of betrayal and you've got a hit. In this case, it misses the water from the crows nest but sadly hits every...single..bad plot devise on the way down. The first season was all that's needed to know this was a good discard!

You know your TV show has too many plot lines going when you bring back a character from the dead. That's right! They resurrected a character from a beat down and presumed death. Too much! TOO...TOO...MUCH! Sure it represents the fact that people sometimes did suddenly pop back to life at their wake, but dang. On a STARS! network drama, you can do without the extra WOW factor. Too many cooks and not enough dishwashers leaves a bad taste in your mouth. BLACK SAILS is as bad as a plated $300 t-bone steak covering yesterday morning's biscuits and gravy. Or are there too many dishwashers and my medium well steak just came back rare? Either way this show is too busy for it's own good and really needs to tighten belts. Bringing a character back is not the way to do that.

Also, there were tons of nautical impossibilities, and licenses taken that don't seem to matter to the directors or technical advisers. One being that two square rigged ships cannot sail exactly beside each other. The wind would move one further than the other. It's a fact of physics. Pirates were good, but they always seemed to be in the right spot at the right time, and that is just not evolutionarly possible. You simply cannot do lots of the things they do on this one.

Finally, there is simple just too much nakey time. Normally, I see that as lazy writing to start with, but when it does ZERO to advance the plots I'm completely against it. And it's not even the least bit tasteful. We're talking to introduce scenes! Not even plot critical ones either. Just Jane and Joe, talking while. Seinfeld might be tempted to call a penultimate "YADA, YADA, YADA." You have to remember there are too many plot lines and wasted words already. Who's sleeping with whom is not needed to leave the viewer wanting anything but to see skin, which can be done elsewhere easily enough already.

So..in review of this review 1) Too many plots, to the point of having to bring someone back from the grave. Dude was dead. Less you have to write HURRAH!! 2) Sailing must not be all that important to people directing a pirate show, and 3) sex scenes are just dang lazy. And if that's the case, the writers for BLACK SAILS haven't changed out of their sweats in several weeks. They sit in their mother's basement surrounded by a fort of Mt. Dew 2 liters and pizza boxes.